Never a Good Time for Goodbye

The one in your care is with you,
Right Now.

"Right now" is all that's important.

Every breath you spend,

Every motion you make,

All the energy you have to spare

Should be focused
On this moment,

While your loved one is with you.

You may be afraid you won't get to say "goodbye."

You may fear that your loved one will slip away,

and you won't be there.

It's alright.

Saying goodbye

is not as important as

"Hello. I love you."

Death will come

Death will come

but it’s not over ‘til it’s over.

We the living must make

those in our care

as comfortable as we can,

while they travel toward

the inevitable end.

Death is easy.

Surrender is simple.

Quitting is effortless.

Choosing life is brave.

Sacrificing time is generous.

Yielding to the needs of another is love.

Love is the greatest gift.

Commit to God and be still.

When faith begins, He will guide.

When life is tangled, He will straighten.

When the end is near, He will comfort.

When death comes, He will embrace.

His faithful will be forever

Living Still

Death is Life

On Earth and in Heaven the will of God is life.

Death is as much a part of life as birth.

The difficulties you now face are not punishment from God.

God has not abandoned you.

God created all things.

He set the rules for the universe.

They are perfect.

He took His hands away so that we may have free will.

He is the perfect parent.

He will never meddle or interfere.

If we commit to Him and ask for help,

His mercy and blessings are boundless.

He will not change the rules,

but He will help us complete our lives

according to His perfection.

“Give us this day our daily bread...”

Daily Bread is not only food to be eaten.

This bread is the love of God

through Christ

through you

to the one in your care.

This bread is a loving touch,

a kind word,

patience.

This bread soothes

heartache, loneliness, fear and confusion.

This bread ~ Daily.

Will I ever be happy again?

Finding happiness in an unhappy situation

is difficult, but possible.

You just have to know what to look for.

Happiness must be

recognized for it is illusive;

held tightly for it is fleeting;

nurtured in your memory,

for it is the first thing to be forgotten.

Happiness is not packaged in days or hours, but in seconds.

A moment of recognition, a giggle, a smile,

a gentle breeze, the dance of a butterfly,

the song of a bird;

none of these lasts more than a few seconds.

With the one in your care, look for

a familiar gleam in the eye that lasts an instant,

a few seconds without pain,

a moment of easy breathing,

a time when sleep calms confusion.

See them as they happen. Enjoy them while they last.

Look for them to happen again.

You will be happy!

“...and Your Neighbor as Yourself”

During Long Term Care

you will meet other residents.

Speak to them.

As you are tired, they are spent.

As you feel lonely, they are alone.

As you seek encouragement, they need it.

You feel confined. They are confined.

You can come and go.

Yours is the free spirit,

the stronger heart,

the brighter mind.

Speak to them.

Though they are weak, be helpful.

Though they are strangers, smile.

Though they are ill tempered, remain patient.

Though they are confused, stay constant.

It is a small price to pay.

A few kind words,

will make a dark existence bright.

Speak to them.

Food and Care

An extended illness can have lasting effects on the body.

Taste

The sense of taste changes.

Sweets can often still be tasted, but not meat and vegetables.

With my father, we used ice cream as bait.

Two spoons of vanilla got him to open his mouth for a third

bite, when we would sneak in some rice or peas.

Mealtime

A confused mind can retain memories of family meals.

Feed or assist slowly.

Tolerate excessive chewing.

Be patient with swallowing difficulty.

Speak of pleasant memories.

Take your time.

Tender Skin

Thinning skin can become tender.

A bandage, when removed, can cause more damage than it

was meant to protect. Be careful.

A heating pad or thermal pack can blister thin skin.

A firm grip meant to prevent a fall

can bruise or tear thin skin.

Feed and touch gently.

“...and forgive us our trespasses,...”

Repentance

A time may come when the one in your care

wants to be forgiven.

God has promised to forgive

after repentance.

Repentance has three parts:

Regret,

Reversal,

Restoration.

To have sorrow for sin,

to turn away from repeating sin,

to give back what was taken by sin,

whether money, possessions, or dignity,

these are requirements of repentance.

God knows our heart’s sorrow for sin.

God sees when we turn away from sin.

God alone will judge the circumstances

that allow or prevent restoration.

Christ died on the cross that we may request forgiveness.

“God, please forgive.

Overrule the mistakes and bless them as You choose.”

Amen

Love is Patient

First Corinthians 13: 4 and 8

4: Love is patient, love is kind;

8: Love never fails.

The one in your care has a different pace now.

Time has a new meaning.

Movement has a new speed.

It’s a different world and you are part of it.

There is no hurry here.

There is a desire to live.

There may be memories of faster times,

but the ability to recreate those times is gone.

It is your task to slow down.

It can be your gift

to forgive this diminished motion.

For this slower pace you can offer

Patience

Assistance

Acceptance

Love

Without ceasing.

A Million Times

You may hear the same questions, the same comments,

the same memories in endless repetition.

The mind of the one in your care can no longer keep track

of how many times an idea is repeated.

Your healthy mind will take note of every cycle.

You might become impatient or frantic or angry

at this unceasing retelling and questioning.

Relax.

You will only frustrate yourself if you say:

“We’ve already talked about this.”

or “That’s not right.”

or “Don’t you remember?”

No. The one in your care does not remember.

Forgive this state of being.

Though asked a million times,

respond a million times

as though each time is the first time.

This is when the scripture works,

“Love is patient, love is kind.”

Memories and Reality

My father forgot who I was.
He thought I was his brother, Ray.
His mind settled at a time when he was seventeen.
Memories of that time in his life were intact.
I visited his friends and relatives, and learned stories from his youth.
I became Ray, and talked about those memories.
From that moment on, my father and I, as Ray, became best friends.

There may come a time

when the one in your care,

perhaps a parent,

no longer remembers who you are.

The mind may settle on a reality

that doesn’t include the present.

That reality might be of a different decade,

even one that doesn’t include you.

But, those memories might be very real.

Let it be.

You cannot restore a lost mind.

Talk in terms of those memories.

Do not fear this. It is not deliberate.

Do not hate this. It cannot be helped.

Do not blame God. He didn’t cause it.

Care anyway.

Love every way.

Sacrifice all the way.

Do all you can and then some.

Someday it might be you.

Family and Personal Ministry

Life does not prepare you to be here.

There will be many unexpected, difficult issues.

Every decision must be faced consistently.

God has already prepared an ordered list.

The entire Bible is a lesson in priorities for our daily lives.

God first

Ask God, first and only, for guidance and wisdom.

Spouse second

Love your spouse as Christ has loved you.

Family third

Care for family members before all others, except God.

Job fourth

Use every ability God has given you.

Recreation fifth

Forsake all things that keep you from God and family.

Personal Ministry last

The one in your care is your personal ministry.

Serving in church and community will wait.

For now, Family and Personal Ministry are the same.

The Guilt of Failure

Because of where your loved one is now,

you may believe you are guilty of failure.

It is normal to feel this way,

to question past choices,

to search for answers as to how you got here.

It is normal, but it’s a waste of time.

The question now is,

“What will you do from here?”

Trying to justify and resolve your choices

is futile without God.

Without God life oppresses with

needs beyond your ability,

choices beyond your wisdom,

circumstances beyond your control.

Bow before God. Make your request.

God knows your needs. He will meet them.

God can control the circumstances that bind you.

God sees your choices and will help you see them, too.

God will faithfully help you seek the next right thing to do.

God will never fail.

Do All You Can Now

Ecclesiastes 3: 1-2 

1To everything there is a season,

A time for every purpose under heaven:

2A time to be born, And a time to die;

Psalm 126:5

Those who sow in tears Shall reap in joy.

Galatians 6:9

And let us not grow weary while doing good,

for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart

Matthew 25:40 paraphrased

“Assuredly, I say to you, inasmuch as you cared for one of

the least of these My children, you cared for Me.’

Do all you can now for the one in your care.

Neither the sorrow, nor the drudgery,

nor the pain of this will last.

This time will end.

Let go of those things that restrict you:

television, sports, events,

meetings, class suppers, choir, long weekends.

They will come again.

Care now that you may receive care.

Love now that you may be loved.

Cleanliness

Cleanliness for the one in your care

will be a new challenge.

You will learn about

latex gloves, surgical masks,

shower chairs and shower carts,

sponge bathing in the bed and on the toilet.

Modesty will be forgotten.

Dignity will be challenged.

You will learn to tolerate

altered sensibilities of

sight, sound and smell.

Remember, the one you care for

did not choose to be this way.

But your choice to care

gently and respectfully

will turn difficult tasks

into healing actions

God knows your choices, your abilities and your needs.

Matthew 6:27-33
27 Which of you by taking thought

can add one cubit unto his stature?

28 And why take ye thought for raiment?

Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow;

they toil not, neither do they spin:

29 And yet I say unto you,

that even Solomon in all his glory

was not arrayed like one of these.

30 Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field,

which today is, and tomorrow is cast into the oven,

shall he not much more clothe you,

O ye of little faith?

31 Therefore take no thought, saying,

What shall we eat?

or, What shall we drink?

or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed?

32 (For after all these things do the Gentiles seek)

for your heavenly Father knoweth

that ye have need of all these things.

33 But seek ye first the kingdom of God,

and his righteousness;

and all these things shall be added unto you.

Everything Has Its Time

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

1 To everything there is a season,

A time for every purpose under heaven:

2A time to be born,

And a time to die;

A time to plant, And a time to pluck what is planted;

3A time to kill, And a time to heal;

A time to break down, And a time to build up;

4A time to weep, And a time to laugh;

A time to mourn,

And a time to dance;

5A time to cast away stones, And a time to gather stones;

A time to embrace, And a time to refrain from embracing;

6A time to gain,

And a time to lose;

A time to keep, And a time to throw away;

7A time to tear, And a time to sew;

A time to keep silence, And a time to speak;

8A time to love,

And a time to hate;

A time of war,

And a time of peace.

Faith, Hope, Love

First Corinthians 13: 2,4-6,13

2...And though I have all faith,

So that I could remove mountains,

But have not love,

I am nothing.

4Love suffers long and is kind;

Love does not envy;

Love does not parade itself,

Is not puffed up;

5Does not behave rudely,

Does not seek its own,

Is not provoked,

Thinks no evil;

6Does not rejoice in iniquity,

But rejoices in the truth;

7Bears all things,

Believes all things,

Hopes all things,

Endures all things.

8Love never fails.

13And now abide

Faith, Hope, Love,

These three;

But the greatest of these is love.

The Lord’s Prayer

In this manner, therefore, pray:

Our Father who art in heaven,

Hallowed be thy name.

Thy kingdom come.

Thy will be done

On earth as it is in heaven.

Give us this day our daily bread.

And forgive us our trespasses,

As we forgive those who trespass against us.

And lead us not into temptation,

But deliver us from evil.

For Thine is the kingdom

And the power and the glory forever.

Amen

Psalm 23 - Personalize this by substituting the name of the person.

The LORD is [name]'s shepherd;

[name] shall not want.

He makes [name] to lie down in green pastures;

He leads   [name]  beside the still waters.

He restores  [name]'s  soul;

He leads   [name]  in the paths of righteousness

For His name’s sake.

Yea, though   [name] will walk through the valley

of the shadow of death,

 [name] will fear no evil;

For You are with   [name] ;

Your rod and Your staff, they comfort   [name] .

You prepare a table before   [name]  in the presence of

 [name]'s enemies;

You anoint   [name]'s  head with oil;

 [name]'s cup runs over.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow  [name]

All the days of   [name]'s life;

And   [name]  will dwell

In the house of the LORD forever.